The who’s who of social media

The lurker, the online vigilante, the serial pest: you are all welcome.

Do you use social media? According to recent Australian corporate law, 100% of social media users fall into one of the following five categories.

  1. The Serial Tagger.

You have deleted family photos over meme screenshots more than once for storage space. “OMG lol. Saw this and thought of you” autocompletes on your phone and you have a friend to tag for every meme-tuation. You’ve taken a stab at starting your own meme account and have seriously considered buying merch from BrownCardigan (for the likes). The plugin on your phone is what saves you from mediocrity (as far as you’re concerned) and your most used meme? I SEEN’T IT.

  1. The Online Vigilante. 

As an online vigilante you know we’re all being lied to and refuse to play along. You’re self-taught (they won’t teach you the real stuff at uni ‘cause of The Man) and need to carry a book (normally a Penguin Classic) around at all times in case someone mistakes you for being uncultured.

You think BuzzFeed are the lowest common denominator and so follow them religiously so you can tell them exactly that every waking minute. Your Facebook cover photo is a non-descript landscape image, red pill from The Matrix or something uncredited from Pinterest. Your timeline might be devoid of check-ins but you don’t care, you’re a social warrior.

  1. The ‘Doesn’t Know This Isn’t A Private Chat’.

Your phone is mostly full of, “You know you posted that to their wall right?” texts (where else would you ask a personal question?) and while yes, you do need to wear regular glasses under your 3D specs at the cinema, you’ll still have a lovely time and will tell everyone with an out-of-nowhere status update.

You’re a click baiter’s wet dream and are known for sharing what everyone else can easily identify as spam/fake news to your timeline with sentiments like, ‘An important lesson for mankind’. If there were an emoji for ‘T-shirt tucked into jeans’ or iPhone flip case, they’d be on your recently used list.

  1. The Lurker.

Previously known for using ‘LOL’ while keeping a straight face, the modern-day lurker is fully aware of the world but like that Peeping Tom you just can’t shake, they’re not engaging any further than a click. FOMO is as foreign as French to you (why go out when you can see the pics later) and your mates have given up tagging you in memes, you’ll never reply anyway. Not even with a half-arsed like. You may seem like the best one of the bunch dear lurker but remember, you skeeve everyone out just a bit.

  1. The ‘Right Over Their Head’.

People see you walk past and hear a soft, imperceptible, ‘Whoosh’ sound. What is it you ask? It’s the sound of those pesky satirical news articles going right over your head. Tutt, tutt.

It’s not all satire though. Like The ‘Doesn’t know this isn’t a private chat’ commenter you’re also known for sharing and commenting on what everyone else can easily identify as spam. Instead of platitudes you pepper your timeline shares with unrepentantly passive-aggressive tags to your children or brattier friends like, ‘Jessica. You need to read this.’ When you’re not hate-commenting, “Do they not know how it is in the real world?” that is.

Take the test, your spirit animal awaits. 

Did you enjoy this quiz? Here’s another and here’s a more serious one – that’ll tell you what career you are most suited to based on your personality.

The who’s who of social media
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