The Footnotes


School nurse inundated with headaches following announcement of beep test in P.E

Authorities stumped.

A record number of students have come forth complaining of headaches following the announcement of next periods’ beep test.

Despite only admitting the agenda of that day’s Physical Education class a short time ago, P.E. teacher Mr. Lamond’s students have fallen ill.

“There must be something in the water,” Mr. Lamond comments. “I think we’d better call the authorities to check out the pipes. I’ve never seen illness take hold so quickly before.”

Speaking from the sick bay, where student beds litter the hallways, school nurse Ms. Cooper does her best to answer questions.

“These poor children weren’t able to do the beep test I’m afraid,” she says between Panadol doses. “It was too risky. Mr. Lamond has questioned the school pipes and frankly, I agree. I haven’t seen this before in all time – two whole years – as a part-time receptionist/school nurse.”

Stranger still, another 18 students headed to the sick bay just three hours after the test with similar symptoms.

Keen to uncover the prognosis, we spoke to one of the ill-fallen students Lucy Joseph who comments, “all of the high achieving runners think that the rest of us care about their score. It got to the point where I said to my best friend that’d I’d probably get a migraine if another person asked me what I got in the beep test. They only ask you what you got, so that they can say, “I got 12,” but like, I couldn’t care less if you can run 52 laps of the school hall. Anyway, someone asked me again – and now here I am”.

“The wounded just keep coming,” comments Ms. Cooper.

“It’s always been a great lesson filler. But as we all know, there is actually no point to it –  so maybe it’s time we scrapped it from the syllabus” adds Mr Lamond.

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School nurse inundated with headaches following announcement of beep test in P.E
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