JUST JOKING

Nurse becomes millionaire following spike in self-diagnosing patients

“All I said was, ‘If I had a dollar for every time someone Googled their symptoms’.”

Local nurse Melissa (28) has become an overnight sensation thanks to a trick of fate.

“All I said was, “If I had a dollar for every time someone Googled their symptoms and then urgently word-vomited it to me verbatim from the pages of ‘Doctor MD, I’d be a millionaire,” Melissa explains. “I had no idea it would blow up like this.”

The common idiom has taken Melissa from rags to riches after just a few shifts at the nearby hospital where patients appeared every couple minutes sure they had a rare, life-threatening illness.

John (58) was one such patient, presenting to the ED with a weird pain when he did physical exercise. “I plugged it [symptoms] into Google and it said I had pancreatic cancer,” John, who hasn’t run more than 10 metres since his high school football days, explains. “I came right in and told the nurse what happened. She just smiled and nodded. Not even caring about the diabolical information I just told her. It was the strangest thing.”

When asked what she’d like to do with her winnings, Melissa has explained that although capital gains tax and HECS repayments would leave her with a considerably depleted sum, she was keen to get into the property market.

“Not in Sydney,” she assures us laughing.

Nurse becomes millionaire following spike in self-diagnosing patients
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