The Footnotes

THE STUDENT LIFE

Nine job stereotypes that are actually just the truth

Rule: fashion designers never look like fashion designers

Yes, there are such thing as industry types. And yes, you’re one of them.

If you are a millennial, then you are likely to consider yourself not just an individual, but a large and important planet; complete with it’s own orbit and ecosystem. You are a precious miracle, a unique and glorious entity unlike anyone else in the whole wide galax- WRONG.

I am telling you, without any scrap of doubt in my mind, that we are all a ‘type’. We are all a certain category of human.

You’re a Carrie or a Miranda, a Hannah or a Marnie, a Cher or an Amber. And much of this can be decided by the type of work you decide to go into. So we’ve broken down some of the most popular careers for women today, and thought about the ‘types’ that we all know and love.

The Fashion Designer

Invariably, fashion designers never look like fashion designers. Whether it’s a holey t-shirt or a questionable Vetements x Fila tracksuit pant, the fashion designer is so far ahead of the curve, you don’t know whether to remind them to wear a bra with that t-shirt, or stop wearing one yourself. Fashion designers are incredibly superstitious, so be sure to follow their rules if you’re attending a show. In fact, don’t talk to them until it’s over. For your own safety.

The Teacher

Nice to a fault. The teacher will remain absolutely steadfast in their refusal to buy into a group argument. You can provide solid f*cking proof that Jane has been messaging Sam behind your back and still, they will not buckle. Teachers are inherently nice people, you see. Deep in their core. They will share the last bite of their burger, offer to pick you up in an Uber en route, and even step that piece of toilet paper off your heel without saying a word. (Side note: this does not include sport teachers. They are very, very different.)

SOLD? here’s how to be one, and stories about what teaching is REALLY like. 

The Property Mogul

Real estate agent, property sales, or design: anyone who has a legitimate reason to say, “The look is very 1992 Bel Air, but in a good way,” is going to be a hilarious buddy to have. Property people always look like they just ironed their shirt, smell delicious, and laugh at everything you say. Like them, but don’t trust them. They will be the last people to tell you that the clothes line is actually just a piece of string coiled up in the laundry cupboard.

SOLD? here’s how to be one. 

The Lawyer

Smug, condescending, and a serious drinker, the lawyer is perpetually tired but also obsessed with maintaining a Vin Diesel level of fitness. Why? Probably to work off the guilt that’s accumulating for charging their best friend for two hours in court to get them off a speeding fine. Assholes.

SOLD? here’s some stories from corporate lawyers, music lawyers, law students & law drop outs. 

The Not-For-Profit Leftie

Hey, were you feeling pretty good about life? Go grab some lentils with your NFP pal. They will take you on a winding journey from the shrinking icebergs of the North Pole to the corrupt government of Papua New Guinea, and then to the gender pay gap in Canberra. It’s a white knuckle ride, and you’ll probably be left with the bill too, you white, entitled, right-wing jerk!

Like arguing? 

The Celebrity

Born fabulous, the singer, slash songwriter, slash model, slash Instagram Influencer, never really did have a good grasp on reality – but that’s what makes them so fabulous, and vulnerable to tax evasion. The celebrity in your midst won’t ever write back to a text message announcing the birth of your first child, but they WILL (?) invite you to the Logies after party… so they’re worth keeping around.

The Journalist

Do not tell this person anything. Anything. Your sob story about getting fired by your new boss is going to be front-page news – or the April Horoscope, if they’re just starting out. Annoying habits? The journalist knows everything about everything, and will cut you off mid-story just to show that THEY READ IT FIRST. Redeeming qualities? They can give you the lowdown on the South Korea – North Korea conflict in 10 seconds flat.

Looking to be a journo: tips hot off the press. 

The PR guru

Those who work in PR speak very loudly, because it is common knowledge in the world of PR that if something is spoken loudly, it means it’s true. “This beach umbrella is going to be the next hottest thing in America,” she’ll blast at you over her 7th martini – they don’t touch the sides – “everyone, everyone I know wants one.” And you’ll want one.  Because that’s what it’s like being around the PR guru.

The Doctor

Doctors are simultaneously the most trustworthy and most terrifying people in your life. I maintain that something must occur during med school, some secret of the universe imparted, that they learn how to live like an insane person and still know how to realign your dislocated knee at 3am at a rave in Ibiza. Oh, and warm hands. They always have warm hands.

So if that’s the bad news, the good news is this: there’s no escaping your true career. For their entire teens the lawyer will debate the no-makeup policy with your school principal, and it may be a decade before the teacher realises that they’re too nice for the world of retail.

If you don’t even know what your career should be? Take the personality test here 

Nine job stereotypes that are actually just the truth
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