When underperforming Yr. 12 student Ben Simmer was forced by his parents to switch schools at the end of last year, he was expecting big, big things. ‘I wanted to do a triple degree in Law, Actuarial Studies and Medicine, which required me to lift my marks from 40% to 95%+’, he remarked to Evolutionary Reporter Mike Hunt. ‘I thought if I switched to a really smart school I would automatically get a 99 ATAR, but instead I ended up with some type of star symbol – what a rort’.
When questioned how his parents reacted to the news that he was a ‘star’, Ben’s response surprised us.
‘Mum was stoked with it actually. I told her that the asterisk meant that I had topped the State in all of my subjects. She bought it hook, line and sinker. Even posted a Facebook status about it’.
Mike caught up with Ben’s Mum Debbie to see how the status was received. She was shocked and appalled.
‘One of my friends had the audacity to comment saying that the asterisk meant that my son was one of the lowest performers in the HSC. She told me to ‘Google it’. I blocked her straight away – everyone knows Google is fake news.’
When we asked Ben how he thought he would get away with telling his parents he got accepted as a Business Scholar at Cambridge University, his plan was surprisingly elaborate.
‘Simple, mate: I ‘leave’ at the start of July – exactly when everyone on Instagram is in Europe. I’ve told Mum I’m doing a bit of travelling first, so I’ll just Photoshop my head onto every single photo I see on Instagram. That’s like 412 photos of evidence per week alone. Meanwhile, I’ll hide out at my girlfriend’s place across the road.’