THE STUDENT LIFE

The five worst things I’ve eaten at my school canteen

“Microwaving a taco goes against my entire belief system.”

Ordering lunch at school is literally the best thing that can happen in a school day.

But man, recently they have started stocking some legit losers.

I’ve spit out everything from salad sandwiches with curried egg to salmon muffins. It’s a mystery how these items make it onto the shelves in the first place. Do the Canteen higher-ups think students won’t notice their health attempts.

Here, the five most regrettable things I’ve consumed at my school canteen this week.

Sushi:

This is embarrassing to admit, but I’ve been swindled by my school canteen’s sushi a few times. It’s always the same: I roll in and notice the sushi display and think, “What the hell? I deserve a yummy lunch, right?” As soon as I take the first bite, I remember how disgusting school sushi is.

As if the hot tuna wasn’t offensive enough, the rolls always feature some gnarly mayo-heavy preparation and a ton of rice. There’s nothing fresh-tasting about it. It’s almost like it was made in a lab by people who have never tasted sushi but have seen pictures of it in magazines.

Mexican day:

My school decided to have a Mexican canteen day. Great in theory. Fucked in practice. Microwaving a taco goes against my entire belief system.

Fruit cup:

The canteen owner is on drugs if they think this defrosted watermelon is something people would want in their mouths. Food cups from a school canteen are never fresh, and TBH, that is pretty much the only requirement for fish.

Zucchini pasta:

This is the most depressing pasta of all time. Nothing can improve it. It’s the Adam Sandler straight-to-Netflix movie of pastas. If you’re interested in cat food tucked inside a gross wrapper, this is the meal for you.

Home made ‘health conscious’ muffins:

As soon our school canteen got wind of the, “muffins are just cakes” memo, they introduced healthy muffins, which taste as if a fairy waved her magic wand and turned a heap of sand into a muffin These make my mouth so dry, my tongue gets dandruff.

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The five worst things I’ve eaten at my school canteen
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