The five worst things I’ve eaten at my school canteen

“Microwaving a taco goes against my entire belief system.”

Ordering lunch at school is literally the best thing that can happen in a school day.

But man, recently they have started stocking some legit losers.

I’ve spit out everything from salad sandwiches with curried egg to salmon muffins. It’s a mystery how these items make it onto the shelves in the first place. Do the Canteen higher-ups think students won’t notice their health attempts.

Here, the five most regrettable things I’ve consumed at my school canteen this week.


This is embarrassing to admit, but I’ve been swindled by my school canteen’s sushi a few times. It’s always the same: I roll in and notice the sushi display and think, “What the hell? I deserve a yummy lunch, right?” As soon as I take the first bite, I remember how disgusting school sushi is.

As if the hot tuna wasn’t offensive enough, the rolls always feature some gnarly mayo-heavy preparation and a ton of rice. There’s nothing fresh-tasting about it. It’s almost like it was made in a lab by people who have never tasted sushi but have seen pictures of it in magazines.

Mexican day:

My school decided to have a Mexican canteen day. Great in theory. Fucked in practice. Microwaving a taco goes against my entire belief system.

Fruit cup:

The canteen owner is on drugs if they think this defrosted watermelon is something people would want in their mouths. Food cups from a school canteen are never fresh, and TBH, that is pretty much the only requirement for fish.

Zucchini pasta:

This is the most depressing pasta of all time. Nothing can improve it. It’s the Adam Sandler straight-to-Netflix movie of pastas. If you’re interested in cat food tucked inside a gross wrapper, this is the meal for you.

Home made ‘health conscious’ muffins:

As soon our school canteen got wind of the, “muffins are just cakes” memo, they introduced healthy muffins, which taste as if a fairy waved her magic wand and turned a heap of sand into a muffin These make my mouth so dry, my tongue gets dandruff.

NEXT: Read, six times you’ve convinced yourself you’re dying, thanks to Google

Cos you’ve spent a helluva long time next to those UV lamps that set shellac nail polish, and you did always wonder if it would kill you one day.

The five worst things I’ve eaten at my school canteen
Click to comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

To Top