The Footnotes

NOTES FROM SAM AND SARAH

24 things you’ll understand if you have a hospitality job

And they said school shoes were just for school…

Welcome tired, disgruntled and embattled hospitality workers.

We know, like really know the pain you feel. So relax as we run through 24 you’ll know if you’ve ever worked in hospitality.

  1. There is nothing worse on this green earth than having to polish cutlery until 2am. Nothing.
  1. The mere thought of a “Can you come in today?” phone call on your day off is enough to give you panic attacks.
  1. Not flinching when someone threatens to “report this to the manger”.
  1. You really, like, really relate to Jennifer Anniston in Office Space:

 

“This is me expressing myself”

  1. Your lower back still twinges when you think about manoeuvring through the pub with a loaded plate of schnitty and chips.
  1. “If you’re not early, you’re late” has stuck with you years beyond shift work like the It’s A Small World song.
  1. You wonder what your managers did in life to end up this sad, defeated and void of humanity…
  1. The injustice that is preparing other people’s food while you’re starving and don’t get a 15 minute ‘dinner’ break until 11pm.
  1. A career in hand modelling is well and truly out the window thanks to regular slicing, stubbing and/or sautéing.
  1. You can’t hide your anger when office workers complain about being ‘exhausted’ from their non-physical job. Our feet will never be the same but please, tell us about how you need to lie down.
  1. The ‘break room’ was a dirty, overturned bucket in the corner of the kitchen.
  1. Coming in and having to clean up the shit storm the previous shift left. Every. Single. Time.
  1. “The other store/competitor said they’d do it for me,” prompts an internal “Well, why don’t you go bother them then” that’ll be ingrained beyond senility.
  1. And they said school shoes were just for school…
  1. Your ability to slap on a fake smile and convincing “Have a good day,” is so renown you’ve been approached to coach media training.
  1. The Seinfeld ‘Soup Nazi’ is a hero as far as you’re concerned.
  1. The Hunger Games really resonated with you. More than it should have (you definitely know a beleaguered Haymitch Abernathy type).
  1. There’s still some rage working its way through your system from all the times customers would ignore your outstretched hand and put their coins on the counter.
  1. It’s not cute when friends ‘fight’ over who’s paying. Stop it.
  1. You’re desperate for more shifts but will sprint for the exit the second your manager says you can take off early.
  1. You have permanent eye damage after too many “It didn’t scan, it must be free” eye rolls.
  1. You still remember customer nicknames based on their regular orders e.g. ‘Thin-Sliced Cape Seed Loaf, ‘Large Skinny Flat Extra Hot’ or ‘Coopers Pale Ale, No Foam’.
  1. “Can you take a group photo of us?”
  1. What’s a ‘weekend’?

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24 things you’ll understand if you have a hospitality job
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